(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
-Oh, hello. -Hello.
Can I help you?
Isn't there somewhere a little more private?
Yes, of course. You'd better come through.
Thank you.
Uh. Ahem. May I...
Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Well, then.
I think, I'm pregnant.
-Pardon? -He's that mad.
-Really? -Well, we haven't got much money, you see.
Well, not many people have these days.
Can you examine me straightaway?
-Hello. -Hello.
-Is anything wrong, James? -She thinks she's pregnant.
Good grief.
Honestly, the way he's gone on at me!
-He? -Eric. My husband, Eric Tilson.
(SOBBING) I mean, anyone would think he'd had nothing to do with it.
My dear, young lady, please don't distress yourself.
-These things happen. You know. -Thank you.
They always have. They're never the end of the world.
Are you going to examine me or aren't you?
Oh, I see.
You want us to examine you to confirm whether or not you're pregnant.
Right.
You just come with me, young lady.
Come along. What a very pretty hat that is.
-Thank you. -There we are.
Siegfried, we...
It's not ethical.
(SIGHS)
-What's going on? -She thinks she's pregnant.
-I think, Siegfried's going to examine her. -What?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Will you be all right? -Oh, thank you very much!
(LAUGHING) Oh, James!
Your face!
What I wouldn't have given to be a fly on the wall,
when she broke the news of her delicate condition to you!
What have you done with her?
I've redirected her.
It's been happening all week ever since he moved in.
-He? -Harry Allinson, the new GP
who set up shop next door.
-Oh, I see! -(ALL LAUGHING)
And she thought that...
(SNORTING)
What did she do when you put her right?
-She giggled. -Hmm.
She blushed very prettily and fled.
(LAUGHS)
You don't know Harry Allinson.
-No. -I'll introduce you. You'll like him.
He's one of your lot from north of the border. I'm afraid, but despite...
Oh, don't play golf with him, by the way, he's very good.
Well, naturally, if he's a Scot.
-Do you play golf, Richard? -Erm, yes.
-What's your handicap? -Scratch.
-Oh, really? -Do you play?
-Oh, yes, the odd game, I do. -(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, I'll get it. Perhaps we could have a game sometime.
Yes, why not? Sometime.
JAMES: What's your handicap, Siegfried?
Hmm. Mind your own business, James.
-It's for you, James. -Oh, thanks.
Hello. Yes?
Hello, Tris! Where are you ringing from?
Yes, of course. About five minutes.
All right. Bye.
How did he sound, James? Complacent or hysterical?
Oh, his usual self. Thank you.
-Significant, I suppose. -What?
The fact that he asked for you and not for me.
(LAUGHS)
Are you missing Berkshire?
Lord, no. I love the Dales. They're magnificent.
Isn't there even a girlfriend then,
someone you're anxious to get back to?
Her name's Virginia. She's mad about horses.
-Sometimes I think she even prefers them to me. -(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)
JAMES: How's Edinburgh? TRISTAN: Cold and grey.
-Oh, that sounds like them now. -(DOGS BARKING)
Full of Scotsmen. Otherwise quite civilised.
Well, aren't you going to tell me how you did in your finals?
-All right. -How did you do?
-All right. -Welcome home, Mr Tristan.
Ah, Mrs Hall.
Well, how are things here?
All right. Siegfried's got a young student in.
-Richard Carmody. -Sounds like a musical turn.
-(CHUCKLES) Hardly. -What's he like?
Oh, you'll love him.
Off you trot, Mrs Hall.
-Mrs Herriot. -Tristan, welcome home.
Richard Carmody, I presume?
-You must be, Tristan Farnon? -Right.
-I've heard a lot about you. -Oh, dear. Really?
-Would you like a cup of tea? -Oh, I could murder a mug.
Right.
So, you'll have your finals coming up at the end of the year then?
-That's right. -Well, there's nothing to it. Really, you know.
-Nothing to worry about. -No?
Good Lord, no. It's all a matter of getting the head down and grafting, actually.
There's no substitute for hard work. That's what I've always found.
You won't have your results yet, of course?
Well, no, but you do develop a feel for how you've gone on. I always find.
-Don't you find that? -I'm afraid I don't. No.
Really? Well, if there's anything you need any help with,
anything little thing at all. Don't be afraid to ask.
Very kind of you.
What's the book, Richard? Anything interesting?
Yes, actually. Absolutely fascinating chapter
on contagious bovine pleuropneumonia.
Really?
Pleuropneumonia? Now, let me see. Yes, um...
Last recorded case in Britain, 1888, right?
1898, actually.
Came over from Ireland.
Via Ireland, really.
-Via Ireland? -From Holland, of course.
Well, naturally.
-Well, I'll see you both later. -JAMES: Yes.
-Thank you. -Pleasure.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -Good grief, James. Is he real?
Ah. You should get him onto the oxidisation of fatty acids.
Or what he thinks of popular views of liver intoxication.
Ah, yes. And that's another thing.
-There's more? -Well, he doesn't drink much.
At least, not so you notice.
-Does he smoke? -Good Lord, no.
-Women? -She rides with the South Berkshire Hounds.
-Good grief. -Mmm-hmm.
Well, well.
The prodigal returns.
Hello, Siegfried.
-Have a good trip? -Fine, thanks.
(SIGHS)
Well, how were the exams? How did they go?
All right.
-All right? -Well, you know.
I don't know, Tristan, do I? If I did, I wouldn't be asking you.
I mean, for heaven's sake!
We are blessed with probably the richest language in the world.
Every delicate nuance of the human condition and experience
is capable of the most exact and subtle description.
And the best you can come up with is "all right"?
Now, I want to know how you found your exams?
Difficult? Easy? Extending? Demanding? Surprising? Terrifying? What?
-Well, A bit stiff here and there. -(PHONE RINGING)
-Stiff? -Well, stiffish, you know.
A couple of sticky patches, I suppose.
-Sticky patches? -Well, sticky-ish, you know.
-In patches. -(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
SIEGFRIED: Come in!
Uh, telephone call, Tristan.
-Miss McTavish. -Oh, excuse me.
Sticky-ish!
Of course, I haven't the slightest doubt that he passed.
No, of course not.
Couldn't fail after the training I've given him.
-Quite! -I hammered theory into him,
I've exposed him to every sort and condition of practical experience.
I suppose, it's the manner of his passing which always manages to get me down.
-Oh, yes? -Well, exams to him are like trains.
Things to be got by the skin of one's teeth.
I'm sure he's done all right. Quite well, Siegfried.
-He did seem pretty confident about it. -Ah...
-But then he always does. -Yes, there's always that.
James, you never wondered why someone of my serene and even temperament
always seems to go on at him?
Well, I always thought it was because you were so very fond of him, Siegfried.
Oh, balderdash, James. It's just his insufferable,
and totally unjustified, confounded confidence!
His Micawber-like conviction that things will always turn out well for him in the end.
You know the most maddening part of it, James? They always seem to.
(TRISTAN LAUGHING)
-Miss McTavish? -Mmm-hmm.
Who the hell's Miss McTavish?
(HINGES CREAKING)
What?
(LAUGHS)
What?
Oh, you naughty girl.
Shameless!
Yes. Well, thanks for phoning. It's nice to hear from you.
If you could just pop them in the post. Bye!
-Miss McTavish? -Mmm. My landlady up in Edinburgh.
I left a pair of, er, socks.
She wanted to know where to send them.
Ooh, it's nice to see you back again, dear.
-It's nice to be back, Betty. -There you are.
-Here we are, then. -Thank you.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Mmm. Hmm, I needed that.
-All right, let's have it. -What?
Well, how you really went on in your finals.
-Just between the two of us, right? -Of course.
It was a nightmare, James, horrific.
-The whole experience, particularly the oral. -Oh?
-It was the hiccups who did it. -The hiccups?
Must have been the pie I had at lunch time and the pints I washed it down with.
Anyway. The minute the oral started, I started hiccupping away.
-What did you do? -Well, first of all, I tried holding my breath.
-Isn't easy when you're trying to answer questions. -No.
Then, someone brought me a glass of water. That didn't work.
Then someone had the bright idea, that dropping a key down my back, might help.
-Did it? -Yes, actually.
-Oh. -But then something worse happened.
They dropped the key down my back and it never reappeared.
Trouble was, it was the examiner's car key!
The only one he had.
-What did you do? -What could I do?
I mean, I wriggled about but there was no sign of it.
He suggested I strip off and I said, "Not likely."
After that things got even uglier. Specially the questions.
-Didn't you ever find it? -No.
-I saw him later as I was leaving. -Oh?
In a bus queue!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(DOGS BARKING)
(JAMES AND TRISTAN LAUGHING)
TRISTAN: Still up, then, Siegfried?
-So it appears. -I thought you would have joined us.
Well, er, something came up.
-Oh? -A telephone call.
Oh.
Erm...
Would you like a drink?
Perhaps a nightcap.
(SIEGFRIED VOCALISING)
The er, phone call, Siegfried?
Oh, yes. It came from Edinburgh.
For me?
Well, I don't know anybody in Edinburgh.
-There you are. -Cheers.
-Good health, James, my boy. -Thank you, Siegfried. Cheers.
(SIEGFRIED WHISTLES SOFTLY)
The phone call. A girl, was it?
Do you know any girls in Edinburgh?
-Well, one or two. -Anyone in particular?
Well, there is one, I suppose.
-Name? -Mary?
-Second name? -McDonald.
Mary McDonald.
She's a nice girl, Siegfried.
Nurse, is she?
Yes, actually.
Well, it wasn't Mary McDonald.
(SIGHS)
It was a Mr McDonald.
Her father, said he was.
-Oh? -You know him, do you?
-Well, vaguely. -Big chap, is he?
Well, biggish. What did he want?
A chat about his daughter.
-What did you tell him? -I told him you were out.
-(SIGHS) -But that you'd be back.
He's ringing back, is he?
Well, I don't know. He's catching the first train south in the morning.
Good Lord, he isn't. What did you tell him?
I told him you'd meet him at the station.
Oh, crumbs!
Now sweat, you devil.
I don't believe a word of it.
-Don't you? -No.
Gullible little fellow, my baby brother though.
Hello, Mr McDonald? Erm...
(COW MOOING)
It's fantastic, Frank. Incredible.
Not bad, eh? And all done with me own lily-white hands.
When I think of that old cow house you were stuck with. Oh!
Getting me down a bit, were that. And the beasts.
You wouldn't think they were the same animals.
(COW MOOS)
-Cosy now, you see. -Mmm-hmm.
This is how milk should be produced, Frank.
Some of the dumps I visit every day would make your hair stand on end.
Same. It'll be general all over, all this, one day.
Farmers will find it pays them.
I've got me TT licence now.
That extra four pence on a gallon makes a hell of a difference. I tell you.
You've done a grand job, Frank.
Ah. It beats working in that bloody steelworks, any road.
(CHUCKLES)
Look at that, eh? And that air!
I love this place, James.
Nobody would ever know you weren't born a Dalesman, Frank.
-Eh. -Or a farmer.
My great-grandfather was a farmer, James.
He come from round here.
You know what they say. You get it through the titty.
(CHUCKLES)
He sees more of them cows than he sees of me.
I sometimes wonder how we come to be having a family.
He's worked hard.
You both have.
Well, he's the one.
I'd have given up many a time. Not him.
He can make bricks without straw, can my Frank.
He's fought them fells single-handed,
for this scrap of land.
I got her about a fortnight since.
She's never come onto her milk properly.
103. She smells a bit, too, doesn't she?
Aye, I noticed that meself.
She must have had some sort of discharge.
She has. Only tell you the truth, I didn't pay much attention.
A lot of them do that when they clear up after calving.
Look, Frank, I'm gonna take a blood sample.
Why is that?
Well, I don't like the look of that yellow stuff.
She may have calved before her time
or may have calved normally and got infected.
Meanwhile, you keep her isolated, from rest of the stock, all right?
Right.
(INDISTINCT CHATTING)
Brucellosis, do you think?
-The discharge was full of decaying cotyledons. -Oh, Lord.
Well, I'll get the blood samples of the lab, first thing tomorrow.
Yeah. All you can do, James.
Hello, Willie.
And then, erm, hope for the best.
Something we seem to do a lot of in this business, Siegfried. Hope for the best.
Well, James, don't let it get you down.
I'm sure Frank Metcalfe isn't.
Come on and meet our new neighbour, Harry Allinson.
James Herriot, Harry Allinson, general practitioner
of this parish, well-known local quack.
Well, not all that well-known yet, Siegfried, but give me time.
-Very pleased to meet you, James. -Hello.
Understand, you nearly poached one of our customer, yesterday.
Right.
Harry, next time we have a sick sow with gastritis
we'll pop her over to you,
even up the score a touch.
-What a shocking thought. -(LAUGHS)
-Oh, pints, is it? -Yes, please.
-I'll just have a word with Allen. -JAMES: All right.
A couple of pints when you're ready, my dear.
Now, then, Herriot, me old love.
Who's tha' been killing today then, eh?
(LAUGHING)
-Eh, married now, are you, then? -That's right.
Soon to be hearing the patter of little feet, are we?
-You never know. -You'll know all right, lad,
when they start having you up all night. I can tell you that.
Being up all night won't be a new experience for me, Mr Newhouse.
Mr Newhouse? Who the hell is he? Gobber to you, lad.
I've told you that before...
-Friend of yours, James? -I wouldn't say that.
-Thank you. -Siegfried.
SIEGFRIED: See you Friday.
-Thank you. -Cheers.
-Good health.
Mmm.
His wife called in about surgery today.
-Oh, yes? -Mmm-hmm.
She's about seven stone, wet through and she's bad with her nerves.
She had a black eye out to here.
Gobber?
His idea of the end to a perfect evening is coming home stinking
and giving his wife a good hiding.
I'd liked to have met him sometime,
around the blind side of a scrum.
(LAUGHING)
(MEOWING)
JAMES: It's all right, love.
Got something interesting on the slide? Have you, Richard?
-Yes. Ascaris lumbricoides. -Pardon?
-Roundworms. -Thank you, Siegfried. I did know, actually.
Of course you did.
-Fascinating, you know. -Oh?
Carefully controlled experiments show that ascarid-infested pigs
housed and fed under identical conditions as ascarid-free pigs the same size,
grew to less than half the weight.
-Really? -Yes.
Would you like to have a look? Before I clean the slide.
No. Thank you. It is an area I've covered pretty extensively, actually.
RICHARD: Yes, of course.
-Impressive, isn't he? -Very.
-Interesting experience for you, really. -Oh?
Direct contact with a truly scientific mind, superior intellect.
Theory, of course, is not everything.
I couldn't agree with you more entirely, Tristan.
Nobody's more acutely aware of that than Richard.
Oh?
I mean, when he's out on a job.
One practically has to elbow him out of one's way, to get at it, he's so keen.
Well, there we are.
That's it and all about it, pussy cat.
Yes, it'll be, a very fortunate,
uh, practice that persuades young Richard to join its team.
-Come on then, dogs. -(DOGS BARKING)
There you are, Marigold. I'm sure she'll be much better now.
-Bye-bye. -Bye.
-Did you hear that, James? -JAMES: What?
With Siegfried, just now. You don't think he was hinting, by any chance?
-Hinting? -About Carmody.
You don't think, he's thinking of taking him on permanently?
The practice would just about bear three practitioners, I suppose.
Three, yes, but not four.
Oh, I see! Lord, I hadn't thought of that.
Well, he certainly hasn't mentioned anything to me, Tris.
Still, you know your brother.
He does tend to move in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.
Hmm. It'd be just like him.
Of course, the whole idea's ludicrous. Preposterous.
Well, he is pretty brilliant.
Formidable, in fact.
Yes, but I mean, hardly Darrowby.
I mean, take those wretched galoshes of his. Ludicrous.
-And that superior manner. -I don't it's intentional.
But it's no excuse, James.
I've always had a deep distrust of men who drink halves.
Damn it. He makes me feel guilty every time I order myself another pint.
Well, Helen likes him.
With deep respect, James. What would Helen know?
I mean, look who she married. Besides, she likes everybody.
What that youth needs is taking down a peg or two.
Are you capable of it?
Don't worry. I shall think of something.
-(LAUGHS) -(DOOR OPENING)
-A letter for you, James. -Oh, thanks.
-Is it the one you were waiting for, from the lab? -Yes.
The agglutination tests on Frank Metcalfe's cows.
Positive.
Oh, Lord.
Well, I'd better get out there straight away.
-Can I come with you? -Yes, if you like.
-Shall I bring the vaccine? -Yes do.
For all the good it's gonna do.
Thank you.
(COW MOOS)
-How long have you had that beast, Frank? -About three weeks.
-And she's been running in the same field as the others? -Yes.
And they're all in calf, right?
Every single one of them. Yes. Why?
Well, there's no easy way to break this, Frank.
The lab test prove, that cow has brucellosis.
-Abortion? -Yes.
Does that mean we're going to lose her?
Well, I'm afraid it's a bit more serious than that, Mary.
That beast will have thoroughly contaminated the pasture.
That means, any or all of the others will have picked up the bug, as well.
Does that mean they'll abort?
Well, it varies from case to case.
Some cows do manage to carry their calves right through despite the infection.
Yeah, but most don't, right?
Right.
But, surely there's something you can do, something you can give them.
RICHARD: I'm afraid not, Mrs Metcalfe.
There are two types of vaccine.
Live ones that are given to empty cows
and dead ones are given to cows in calf.
Well, then?
Well, I'm afraid the dead vaccine isn't considered to be of any use.
-Will it do any harm? -No, of course not.
Then let's give it to them any road.
-We can't just do nothing. -All right.
FRANK: Come on.
I've always thought, you should take more notes. Perhaps, it would help.
-Notes? -When you're working.
Carmody never stops taking notes.
But then, perhaps he isn't blessed with my retentive memory.
Ah. Well?
Well, we gave the entire herd the vaccine.
For what it was worth. Under the circumstances.
Still, at least we managed to cheer up Frank a bit.
SIEGFRIED: If it did that it's something.
Has Helen gone up?
Ah. Yes, she went up a few moments ago.
-I'll see you all tomorrow. -ALL: Good night, James.
He really takes it to heart. Doesn't he? Gets involved.
Is there another way?
-In a country practice? -I suppose not.
Oh, well. I'd better be getting back to the Reniston.
No, no, no. No, no, no. Stay and have a glass of sherry.
Oh, all right. Thank you.
Don't you, ever get lonely up there
all by yourself at the Reniston?
It gives me lots of time to read.
Uh-huh.
Don't you ever do anything else except read?
Well done!
-Cheers. -Here, here.
James must have thought I was a real fool.
-Oh, really? -The day I got here,
I told him that I'd already had quite a bit of practical experience
in my father's farms in Berkshire.
He pointed out that Berkshire was hardly the Yorkshire Dales.
I told him that I thought one farm was very much like another really.
Fatuous of me.
(LAUGHING)
-(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) -(SIGHS)
Don't take it to heart, James.
-Sorry. He's a good friend. -I know that.
I had a look round the shops in town, today.
Ah! Did you buy a chair?
-Erm, ahem! Not exactly. -Oh?
Don't you like it?
Well, it's lovely.
But not quite a thing you can sit on, right?
Last week you went out looking for a dressing table
and came back with two brass candlesticks and a stuffed owl.
How do I know what you'd sit on?
Well, he fixed me with his glittering eye, I couldn't resist him.
James.
Look, I'll tell you what, I've to go to Leeds tomorrow.
To drop some things, off at the lab.
I'll have a look around there.
-Have you got any money left? -I'm not completely penniless.
Well, what we could really do with is a barometer for the wall
and a glove-stretcher or two.
(LAUGHS) You're mocking me!
Just a bit.
By the way, did you know that Richard knows Richard Carmody?
-Richard? -Richard Edmundson?
Oh, Edmundson's still around, is he?
When he heard, we got married.
I would've thought, he would've done the honourable thing and shot himself.
Or at the very least joined the foreign legion.
The families have been friends for years.
It's one of the reasons Richard Carmody came up here.
-Didn't you know? -No. I'm not a bit surprised.
I mean, blue blood is thicker than water, you know.
So, stinking rich as well as being handsome and talented.
-Is there no end to this man? -Jealous!
Actually, why couldn't you have been rich?
Then I could have married you for your money.
You'd only have frittered it away on brass candlesticks and stuffed owls.
(LAUGHS) Not to mention, the odd glove-stretcher.
It's just as well, I suppose.
I mean, if you had been rich you'd have had to marry Edmundson then.
-Mmm-hmm. -Just to keep it in the family, hmm?
Poor old Edmundson.
I wonder who he's sleeping with tonight?
That horse of his, probably.
Where did you find the dead calf?
In the channel when I went in to milk.
That foetus was just seven months gone.
So now what?
All you can do, is what you're doing already, Frank.
Isolate, disinfect and hope.
-How do? -Oh, hello, Eli.
You know Eli Bagley, James? Me next door neighbour.
We have met, yes. Once or twice.
-Herriot. -Mr Bagley.
Have you, er, have you told him then, Frank?
Eli thinks he has a cure for the trouble, James.
-There's no "think" about it, lad. -Oh?
Professor Driscoll's abortion cure.
Most of my cows did it on me once.
After I put 'em on this here stuff,
they were right as rain second time round.
But then they would be anyway, Mr Bagley.
They develop an immunity.
Right as rain, they were.
All right, Frank. You go ahead and give them the stuff, if you want.
It certainly won't do them any harm.
I'll call again later in the week.
Right, James.
ELI: They don't know everything, you know don't veterinaries.
Encyclopaedia Britannica?
Only 10 bob the lot. A real bargain.
Just what we needed.
I've done it again, haven't I?
Well, we'll have to see about getting some bookshelves made for them.
-Right. -Meanwhile, we'll put them on the mantelpiece.
-Right. -Out of the way.
-James. -Hmm?
Can you smell something funny?
Yes, I noticed that. I think it's the books, Helen.
They're probably a bit musty. I expect it'll soon go.
-Yes. -Thank you.
Perhaps if we, er, open the door.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR) -Come in.
Ah, James. Thought I heard you.
Hello, Helen.
How was the trip to Leeds?
-It was fine. -Did you get to the lab?
Yes. And they said, they'll let us know about the sheep
just as soon they've cultured the organisms.
-Ah, good. -Mmm-hmm.
I say, there is the most frightful smell in here.
You haven't got a body under the boards or something have you?
-(LAUGHS) It's the books. -Books?
-I got them from Leeds. -Ah?
Encyclopaedia Britannica.
-In 24 volumes. -Really?
-A real bargain. -Yes, I imagine.
Well, I expect they're a bit damp.
-Yes. -Would you like to, erm...
Thank you, James.
Perhaps some other time when they've had a chance to dry out a bit.
I really must be off now. Mother's waiting.
Uh, James, if you get a chance, could you ring Frank Metcalfe?
-Yes. -Oh, I say,
you have made it most awfully nice in here.
Oh, would you leave the door open, Siegfried please?
-Yes. -Thanks.
Well, there's always the cellar, I suppose.
(LAUGHING) Oh, James!
I'm sorry!
I do love you.
-(GROANING) -My word, that is nasty.
Hold still.
Ahh.
How on earth did that happen?
Bloody great six-inch nail went through the sole of me boot. That's all.
SIEGFRIED: Lucky James turning up, wasn't it?
Argh! God! Oh!
(STAMMERS) He took his time in getting me here, didn't he, eh?
Good job it weren't no worse. I'd have bled to death.
Well, the doctor won't be long now.
So, nothing to worry about, really I suppose.
Provided it's treated early enough.
Worry about?
Well, there could be, you see, with a wound like that.
Oh, septic, does that mean?
No, no, no, no. Er, lockjaw.
Lockjaw?
Yes. I saw a man once who died of lockjaw.
The undertakers had a terrible job to make him look presentable.
In the end they had to break the jaw,
and then of course, they couldn't stop him grinning.
It was almost as if he was enjoying the joke himself.
(STAMMERS) Why the hell should I get lockjaw? It's me foot I've hurt.
Ah, yes, but you see, that's usually how the infection sets in.
With large, deep penetrations of the ball of the foot like that.
And all this happened up at Smethers' farm, you say?
-Smethers', aye. -Yes.
Why?
Well, it's just that, where there are horses about
there's that more chance of getting it. You see.
There's always been horses at Smethers'.
Bloody hell.
-(DOOR OPENING) -Dr Allinson's here, Mr Farnon.
Oh, good. Show him in at once.
-Hello. -Hi, well done.
Siegfried.
Well, well, Mr Newhouse.
And what have you been doing to yourself?
-It's a bloody misery, is this. -Oh, dear, dear. Really.
Mmm-hmm.
Aye.
Rusty, was it? The nail?
Bound to have been, weren't it?
Iodine. I'm afraid this is going to sting a bit, Mr Newhouse.
(SHOUTING)
Sting a bit did that, did it?
(LAUGHING)
Never mind.
(WHISTLES)
You're not stick that in me foot, are you?
In your foot? Good Lord, no.
We'd better leave you to it then, Harry.
No, no, no, no. Don't let us chase you out.
Besides, this will only take a minute.
I'm sure you've seen uglier sights than Mr Newhouse in your time.
Well...
How's your wife, by the way, Mr Newhouse?
-She's right. -How's that eye of hers?
-Has the swelling gone down? -It's all a bit better.
Bad luck was that, her walking into that door like that.
Aye, wasn't it just?
Right, Mr Newhouse. Drop them.
Pardon?
Your trousers, man. Come along.
I haven't got all day, you know.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
Right, bend over.
I had quite a long chat with your wife the other day.
She tells me you have no feelings.
Ooh! Ooh!
You bloody well felt that, didn't you?
(PHONE RINGING)
-Phone, James. -Hmm.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Hello. Yes?
Yes, as a matter of fact, you did.
I didn't get to bed till about 3:00.
That's all right. What is it?
Oh, that's marvellous news, Frank!
How's the calf?
Good! Well, I'll probably come out and see you later on today.
Mmm-hmm. Fine. Bye!
-Do you have to go out? -No.
-Who was that on the phone? -Frank Metcalfe.
One of his cows calved bang on time.
-Is there something wrong with it? -No.
He phoned you at this time to tell you that?
He was excited.
Does that mean that stuff of whatshisname works?
Oh, no. But you try telling whatshisname that.
You'll never get to sleep again, you know.
-Yes, I will. -No, you won't.
Not now you've woken up.
-(PHONE RINGING) -Oh, blast the thing!
-Why the hell doesn't, Tristan answer it? -Why don't you ask him?
(SIGHS)
Hello. Yes?
Hello, Mr Bagley.
Yes, Frank did let me know.
Yes, thank you.
Goodbye, Mr Bagley.
Mr Bagley.
Well, this time we...
Helen? Helen!
There you are, James. That should keep you busy for the rest of the day.
-Thanks. -Had a bad night?
I awakened early.
Not the man he was since he got married.
Right, come on! Let's get on with it.
Thank you, Richard.
SIEGFRIED: Come on!
-James, can I ask you something? -Yes, of course.
Well, look, I'm not going to learn very much watching you do things all the time.
I've only got a couple of more days here.
Do you think I could carry out a few injections and things?
Get some actual experience of the animals, themselves?
-Well, let's see how it goes, eh? -Right.
Would you getting the car out for me, please?
-All right. -Thanks.
-Do you know what I think, James? -No, what do you think?
I think Carmody's right.
I think you should let him do more.
Oh, you do, do you?
You're going up to Dent's place aren't you to look at the piglets?
-That's right. -They'll need an injection, won't they?
Undoubtedly.
Had much experience of pigs, has he? Do you think?
Down on the royal estates in Berkshire?
-I shouldn't think so for a moment. -No, neither should I.
-You're evil. -Hmm.
-Ready? -I'll just get my coat on.
-Have a good day. -Thank you.
(TRISTAN CHUCKLING)
JAMES: Twelve weeks old did you say, Mr Dent?
Right.
Well, an injection of E. coli antiserum shouldn't do them any harm.
Would you care to do the honours, Richard?
-Right! -Mmm.
Come on! Come on!
(PIGS SQUEALING)
Shh, shh, shh! Shh, shh...
(PIGS SNORTING)
Hey! Shh! Shh! Shh!
We'll leave him to it, then, shall we?
You can cope, can you, Richard?
Don't worry.
(SIGHS)
(FRANTIC SQUEALING)
-Student, is he? -Right.
-And a southerner? -Right again.
Ahh!
You'll see my sow while you're here, will you?
Your sow, Mr Dent?
Yeah, Mr Farnon said to mention it.
When you came up again.
I'm exporting her, see. She'll need her blood testing.
Oh, I see. That'll be the big sow, will it?
-The one whose ear we treated? (LAUGHS) -That's the lady.
I'm glad to be shut of her.
She'd have your leg off as soon as look at you.
Yes.
Mr Farnon suggested you mention it to me, did he?
Aye, last time he came up. He were in a bit of a hurry. So...
Yes.
-(PIG SQUEALING) -Take that, you little swine!
God, I enjoyed that.
(SIGHS)
-Finished? -Just about.
-Oh, good. -That's it, then, is it?
Not quite, Richard, no. Just one more little job that needs attending to.
I'll tell thee something about pigs, lad.
-Oh, yes? -If it gets hold of you,
remember to force its jaw shut before it can force them open again.
-I'll keep that in mind. -Now, then, Richard,
when Mr Dent gets the noose over the snout, behind the canine teeth.
You get the elastic tourniquet round her ear
and get a couple of CCs of blood. All right?
-Perfectly straightforward. -Right.
-DENT: Ready then, lad? -Whenever you are.
It's all yours.
(PIG SNORTING)
(WILD SQUEALING)
RICHARD: Ouch!
Right you are, then. Bye-bye.
-Piglets, was it? -Their mother, actually.
Tell me again, James. How many times did she knock him down?
-Three times. -And each time he came back for more?
Oh, he was magnificent, Siegfried. Indomitable.
Made me proud to be British.
-Where is he now? -I think, he's still up in the bathroom.
Makes one realise, you know, James.
There's no point judging him by ordinary human standards.
-There are the seeds of greatness there. -(DOOR OPENING)
Ah-ha!
(SIEGFRIED LAUGHING)
-Are you better? -Yes, thanks.
A few bruises here and there.
Richard, are you doing anything special tonight?
Not really.
We wondered if you'd like to stay to supper
and come have a drink with us in the pub, afterwards.
-I should like that very much. -JAMES: Good.
You know, our takings have gone right down since you've been away, Mr Tristan.
-Really? -Yes, they have!
-I'll do my best to rectify that. -Good.
-Thanks a lot, Betty. -Thank you.
-Hello, Gobber, me old love. -How do?
-How's the foot, then? -Fine.
-And the, er... -Fine.
Oh, good.
-Yes, well, they tend to be. -Here we are, then.
Well done, Tristan.
-So, you're off on Monday, Richard? -That's right.
-Well, we'll miss you. -Indeed we shall.
Any time you want a piglet injecting or a sample from a sow.
I'm sorry about that.
Well, I appreciated the experience. After all, I asked for it.
ALL: Cheers.
(COWS MOOING)
How many of them?
I'll be out as quick as I can.
Mmm. Bye.
Was that Frank Metcalfe?
Three cows all aborted, bang, bang, bang, just like that.
Would you like me to come out with you, James?
No, it's all right.
(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)
What's all this in aid of?
It's a remedy of me own, is this.
Me medicine seems to be losing its power,
so I'm gonna have to try summat stronger.
Like what?
Burying a dead calf in front of the door.
My God. Black magic now, Frank?
Why not? Science hasn't been able to do out for me.
There's not more you can do, then?
I'm afraid there isn't, Frank. I'm sorry.
Then they'll all be going same road, I reckon.
(GOAT BLEATING)
FRANK: Another of Eli's remedies.
The smell of a goat about the place helps, he reckons.
What does he do next, slit its throat at midnight?
(SIGHS)
The trouble is, I was called in on this case far too late.
Veterinaries.
-Do you know what makes me sick? -What?
The way the quacks descend to take advantage of the situation.
And we vets can't do a thing about it
because our pharmaceuticals are so pathetically inadequate.
From what you've told me, love,
that Eli Bagley sounds rather pathetically inadequate himself.
Not Bagley, love.
Not the witch doctors, the professional quacks.
Take this paper here.
Full of confident advertisements.
Red drenches, black draughts, pink powders.
All of them positively guaranteeing success and all of them useless.
Professor Driscoll has plenty of competition. (SCOFFS)
Excuse me, Mr Herriot, there's a Mr Frank Metcalfe to see you.
Show him in. Would you Mrs Hall, please.
-Would you come this way, sir. -Thank you.
-Hello, Frank. -Hello, Frank.
Hello, James. Helen.
Would you like a drink?
No. No, thanks. Not for me, James. I'm not stopping.
I just thought I'd call to let you know I'm packing up.
HELEN: Oh, Frank, no. JAMES: Packing up?
Aye. Hobson's choice, I'm afraid.
-It can't be as bad as that. -I'm afraid it is. Jamie lad.
Only three cows have calved normally out of the entire herd.
Well, the rest are a mucky sickly lot now with no milk worth talking about.
I've no calves either to sell or use as replacements so...
Well, if I sell up, at least I'll have enough to pay the bank what I owe them.
Surely there must be somebody...
No, I'm afraid there isn't, love.
I borrowed the rest, you see off me old man.
And I'm not going back to him for more.
Anyway, I always promised him I'd go back to the steelworks if things didn't work out.
Well, they haven't, have they? So...
I don't know what to say.
Well, what is there to say, James?
Some you win.
Anyway, no doubt we'll be seeing you both,
-before we go. -Yes, of course.
Bring Mary for some tea.
Right.
Well, goodnight then.
I can find my own way out, James.